I have unfortunately been to many funerals in my life. In fact, 30+ family members in as many years. Grief and mourning have always been an interest of mine though I am not at all sure why. I lost my grandmother in 1972 just four days before my 14th birthday and birthdays just never were the same since then. Of course, there were birthday parties from time to time, but that is not the point.

The passing of a loved one or close friend should affect us in a way that makes you never the same person. That is, if you stop and reflect on what happened and think about how it might affect you and the ones you love.

Most cultures, and indeed the Jewish culture, have traditions and rituals that are part of caring for the deceased. The rituals surrounding the body and the families seem to me to be meant to provide a certain level of respect, as well as comfort for the grieving loved ones left behind by death.

I consider myself most fortunate, and indeed blessed, to have been part of many funeral services and rituals for family, friends, and acquaintances. Fortunate? You might think, “who considers this a fortunate experience?”

Each time I have been involved in a funeral service, whether by attending the service, delivering a eulogy, as a pall bearer, helping to cover the casket when placed in the ground, or attending a shiva house, my grief seems to take a back seat to the sense of responsibility to bring peace to the situation for those most affected by the loss.

In Judaism we learn from the Torah that among the 613 mitzvot, aiding the family and the deceased by participating in our Jewish burial ritual is the highest level of mitzvah you can do, as there is no way to receive thanks from the deceased. Or is there?

The thanks you receive can only come from the realization that you were blessed to have had that experience. You were blessed by having the sense that you are part of something that is healing those around you who are feeling pain and discomfort. Reflect on the value you bring to others and especially to the neshama, the soul of the dearly departed. You help others see their contribution to lifting the soul of their loved one as the soul seeks the divine presence of Hashem.

Similar things happen to those among us who care for the elderly or sick. You might feel as though others should be doing more to help this person, wondering why they don’t do more. The truth is, it is your blessing to be there in that moment, to care for someone and bring them some level of peace. It is a gift to you from Hashem for you to be there in the moments when people need you most. Your pain aside, you are healing others and something in you is looking for it.

Your neshama needs that nourishment, for if it did not Hashem would find another way for you. So, as you care for a loved one who needs more than you think you can give them, be grateful for the opportunity to provide a meaningful experience for your neshama as this gift of Hashem may also be a test that you surely can ace if you let yourself go. Shed the tears, the guilt, the anxiety, and the unanswered questions and offer true gratitude to the Almighty for you have been blessed with being who you are. Most importantly, as you earn this “merit,” your family and your own soul will be forever in God’s grace and no pain can pierce the light of Hashem that surrounds you.

As we look to the year ahead, find your way to open yourself up. Seek forgiveness, express gratitude, and be the best person you can be. Someone is always watching. Someone always needs you.

Vito Simone is a local resident, home renovation expert, and a Zayde to Zev and Leo. You can find his professional business online at www.TodaysHomeRenovations.com. Comments are welcome below or you can email Vito at [email protected] or call him at 410-952-5595 with blog comments or ideas, or for more information about Today’s Home Renovations.